MEN DO NOT LISTEN

Satish and his wife sarala received a letter from their daughter who had gone to study "Modern Biochemistry" overseas.

She wrote, "My beloved parents, I miss you so much and it breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back, you will be so old. Therefore, I am enclosing a bottle of a red portion that I have invented. It will make you 5 years younger, and so when I return, you will be the same age as I left you. *Please, take only a drop.* Goodbye I love you!"

They opened the envelope and found the bottle with the red portion.

satish looked at his wife and said, "You go first."

sarala took a drop and when she indeed turned 5 years younger, satish immediately did the same. 

Years later, the daughter returns home to find her mother... she is younger and happier, and she is carrying a baby on her back. She tells her daughter how the portion worked and how it has made her look younger. The daughter is happy and she asks about her father.

"Your father? Hmmm! You know how men don't listen! He drank the whole bottle."

"Whaaat! Where is he?"

"Who do you think is on my back???"

Men Do Not Listen

TAX OFFICE.

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. 

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'

'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers. Every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. 

But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

'What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 

'We collect them and send them back to the biscuit  makers. Every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits.'

'I see!' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 

'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'

'Here too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save up all the foreskins and send 

them to the Tax Office. About once a year they send us a complete prick.'

BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT

A doctor friend from Rotary was chatting at a party with another close friend who is a Chartered Accountant.

He asked, "How do I manage this delicate issue when people even at a party like this ask me about their joint pains and heartburn and gas trouble. Just because I am a doctor.... not fair!"

The CA friend replied coolly, "Just tell them the right things politely but send them a bill from your clinic the next morning... only once! Word will soon get around and it will stop immediately!"

"Wow! Thanks for the tip", said the doctor.

Next morning the doctor got a bill from his CA friend, "Consulting charges for Business Development."

MOBILE PHONR

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: 'Hello'

WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'

MAN: 'Yes'

WOMAN: 'I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'

MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you really like it.'

WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2021 Models. I saw one I really liked.'

MAN: 'How much?'

WOMAN: '$98,000'

MAN: 'OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all the options.'

WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing, the house I wanted last yeari s back on the market. They're asking $950,000.'

MAN: 'well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will

probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it's

really a pretty good price.'

WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much! You’re so generous!'

MAN: “You’re worth it. 'Bye!'

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at himi n astonishment, with mouths agape.

Man  asks: "Anybody knows whose phone this is?"

MANAGEMENT

A highly successful MD of MNC was going home in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man-

"Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the MD said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two  children with me. They are over there, under that tree".

"Bring them along," the MD replied. 

Turning to the other poor man he stated,

"You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 

"But sir, I also have a wife and three children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the MD answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.

One of the poor fellows turned to the MD and said,

"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The MD replied, 

"Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high...!"

Lesson :

Never trust Higher Management.

They will go to any extreme to finish their job.

And there is none like a KIND Management. 

Dedicated to all corporate employees.

ASTROLOGY

Astrologer :  Your name is Jani 

Jani : Yes guruji 

Astrologer : Your husband’s name is Janu 

Jani : (with folded hands) yes yes guruji 

Astrologer: Your husband is 45 years old?

Jani : (now really excited) yes yes yes guruji 

Astrologer: You have one son and one daughter 

Jani : Amazingly perfect guruji .. perfect 

Astrologer: Your son is 15 years old and his name is kittu. Your daughter is 12 years old and her name is kitti. 

Jani : Oh my god .. let me bow down. You are amazing. Everything perfectly correct. 

Astrologer: Yesterday you purchased 25 kgs of wheat ..

Jani : (tears rolling down) oh my lord. You are God incarnate. 

Astrologer: Ok that is enough for today. You are getting emotional . Just deposit Rs 1000/- in the donation box. Come next Thursday. And next time please come with your horoscope not your ration card please.

ATTITUDE

An engineer in a car manufacturing company designs a world class car. The CEO is impressed with the outcome and praised him a lot. 

While trying to bring out the car from the manufacturing area to the showroom, they realised that the car is 2 inches taller than the entrance.

The engineer felt bad that he didn't notice this one before creating the car.

The CEO was confused on how to take it outside of the manufacturing area.

The painter said that they can bring out the car and there will be a few scratches on top of the car which could be touched up later on.

The engineer said that they can break the entrance, take the car out, and later re-do it.

The CEO was not convinced with any ideas and felt like it is a bad sign to break or scratch. 

A Watchman was observing all the drama & slowly approached the CEO.  He wanted to give an idea if they had no problem. 

They wondered what this guy would tell them that the experts could not give.

The watchman said "The car is only a few inches taller than the entrance so, simply release the air in the tyre, the height of the car will sink and can be easily taken out"...

Everyone clapped!!!

Don't analyse the problems only from an expert point of view alone.

Life issues are also the same....

Think Simple...

Do Simple and Live Simple

Release some Air ... It could be our 'anger' .... our 'disappointments'... our  'egos'... Our 'confusions'... Our 'arrogance'... 

In the end it's all about   "Adjusting The Height" ( Attitude ), to make things easier in life and uncomplicate the things in life. 

 Because Originally we all are Happy Souls...