What is Friendship?

This is an article which I had wanted to write over the past few weeks, but due to lack of time and moods was not able to. Any similarity to the contents of this article to any of the individual’s lives and memories is purely co-incidental and be assured that the same is not stalked out from your personal diaries

 

WHAT IS FRIENDSHIP?

 

The word Friends takes us back to the days behind we have traversed across till now, at times even taking us back to our child hood days wherein we first would have ever made a friend or called some one our friend, but where are these friends now, for as you take a moment to ponder over how much you are in touch with any of your friends you would find that you are hardly in touch with anyone.

 

It is a surprise, is it not, as to whom we used to call as our friends, and whom we were happy to spend our time with are the ones we do not have to time to be in touch with. What could be the reason behind such change of scenario? Is it that you are not friends any more with them or anything else? The reasons are a list of few which could possibly be why you are not in touch with them or in dispute with them now as compared to your earlier times

 

 

ü      COMMITMENT

 

The primary reason why you are not in touch with your friends anymore is due to the lack of commitment, it can be lacking from either of you, you may be committed, but your friend might not be so committed towards your friendship, or vice versa. In that situation do you reduce your commitment or keep yourself committed to your friendship. In cases of commitment, it has to be there irrespective of the other person responding or not in the same manner, for it is found that the level of commitment you keep in a relationship, the life and consistency of that relationship is inter dependent to it, so more / lesser the commitment, the more / lesser the life / consistency of the relationship. I have faced many times these kind of friends who call me friends only on their lips not from their heart.

 

ü      ENVIRONMENT

 

The second possible reason could be the place you are in. You may be in your school, college or workplace, you tend to make friends every where, but when you change your environment, i.e. shift from school to college, college to workplace, company to company, you tend to make new friends and it is matter of time before you realize that you and your friends lose touch, and you become a museum stuff to each other for you also rhyme like the fairy tale lines “Once upon a time I had a friend”. It is in friendship alone we adopt the old age proverb very seriously where it is said “Forget the past, don’t worry over the future, but live in the present”, so we are friendly and in touch with only the ones we are currently meeting and interacting with and tend to forget the ones we used to know, but is it not right that you carry on and leave your friends behind. This is the friendship we need to be more careful of getting committed to and knowing the thin line of difference between the genuine friendship and more popular practical / suitable friendship which is made only to suit our studying / working environments. I know this is really very tough to follow and in spite of my best efforts in being touch with all of my friends across various stages of my life, while writing this article I have noticed that I myself have been guilty of this as I find myself too stretched out to keep in touch with all network of my friends across various stages of my life.

 

ü      EGO

 

This is possibly the major and dangerous cause for the fall of friends with each other for Ego is something which only breeds hatred, anger and jealousy, so there is no room for love, care and affection which is the foundation for friendship. Ego in any relationship is bad, thus making it all the more difficult for friends to come close to each other and see eye to eye. At times for minor issues due to ego the issue is blown out of proportion and friends become foes, or the questions comes when he / she is not in touch or he / she is not calling first why should I, so forget it and just value your friends and their friendship than valuing anything else though here you may note the difference between friends who are genuinely unable to be in touch with you and the friends who don’t want to be in touch with you for the subsequent below reasons. Hence if you are not having friends or lost friends who were close to you, you need to ask yourself “Are you an egoistic person?” and if the answer is yes, then you need to change yourself rather trying to change the world. In my schooling and my early college days I have myself lost many of my good friends due to ego issues though across time I may call myself to be more matured towards getting ego issues with my friends (Hope my friends too feel the same about me).

 

ü      TAKEN FOR GRANTED

 

At times you find that people who call you friends are actually taking you for granted, you may be wondering what could this mean, it means that they are not concerned, worried about your emotions, feelings or what you think, they know irrespective of what they do or how they behave you will be their friends, or take you for granted to be their friends. It is also obvious that when you complaint their reaction would only be “Hey buddy, what yaar, I thought you understood me well, are we not good friends to feel bad about this or that” and give some lame excuse for their lapse in responding to your view of friendship. They just expect you to do good for them, care about them, etc. and they are not concerned / care to reciprocate your gesture of love, care and affection. It is not that friendship is about expecting things but at least being concerned about your feelings and not being untouched by your exhibit of friendship for that individual and when you need them they just vanish or cease to exist.

 

ü      WITH A PURPOSE

 

These are friends who are friends with you for a purpose. They are not keen or interested in being your friends, but once their purpose is over, they just forget who are you, or they ever even knew you. They are the more materialistic friends whom you find in today’s so called practical world a plenty, they are found near your house, workplace, etc. They maybe your casual acquaintances, your colleagues, etc. who call you friends though they don’t mean it even an iota of the letter “F” in the word “FRIENDS”, these are the ones you need to be more careful of, for they cause you more hurt than any other type of friends, for in order to achieve their purpose, they talk so cosy and so concerned or close that you actually get deceived by them to be your BEST FRIENDS and vanish once the purpose is over at the speed at which they became your friends. I have met such people endless times and in spite of me being able to come to a level to identify them from the distinct ones, I am still at the infancy stage of identification for they are so well disguised.

 

ü      COMMUNICATION

 

The last and final reason for fall of friendship is lack of communication, for it has been from ages we have known that all relationships collapse due to lack of communication, and it is only with friends you are what you are actually internally without any makeup / formalities and speak your heart out, but when there is a dispute we tend to hesitate to speak fearing what your friend might think. If you have friends with whom you feel so, then you need to reconsider your commitment towards that friend or friendship, for where you have to use your brain instead of your heart that would be a practical or worldly relationship and relationships are made, carried out and maintained through your heart, and when there is an issue with any of your friend you need to speak your heart out, and if you are not able to or your friend is not able to hear your heart out, then there is a lack of communication and hence would bring about the end of friendship

 

If there are so many reasons for fall of friendship, how is it that when we see in movies the sacrifices and the help rendered out by friends to each other we get emotionally touched by them for we also expect that how we could wish to have a friend like this, as it is always said that A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED, but to get a good friend do we not need to be a good friend first, for can we grow roses out of weeds or sweet grapes out of bitter gourd plants, so what we would sow would we reap, hence a word of advise from a student of friendship is that you should make or rather be friends beyond expectations, gender, caste, creed, status and ensure you be in touch with all your friends.